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Insights | Helping children to settle in to life at nursery

09 Sep 2019

Making the transition from being cared for at home to starting nursery is a significant life event for any child. Transition is always about change; particularly adjusting to change – and successful change is about then forgetting that the change happened .(http://www.earlyyearsmatters.co.uk/eyfs/positive-relationships/transitions/)

The first time a child attends nursery is often deemed a roaring success, where a brief period of time is filled with curious exploration and a sense of calm.

However, day two arrives and the realisation that this may now be a routine pattern of behaviour dawns with varying results. This is to be expected because we are all different. Every individual, young and old, reacts differently to a situation and this is what makes us unique.

The constructs of an adult brain afford the opportunity to rationalise what is happening in a situation and explain why it is happening. This is not the case for young children, for whom those constructs have not yet formed. This is behaviour yet to be learned. Throw in the fact that young children have no concept of time and a variety of responses result.

Some children take longer than others to settle in to nursery, and this is to be expected. Some children cry when they make the transition into the classroom, and this is to be expected. Some children cry every time they leave the classroom and move to another area, and this is to be expected. Some children don’t cry until they see another child cry, and this is to be expected. Some children don’t cry at all and are perplexed at the emotional state of others, and this is to be expected. They are all different, therefore a mixture of responses should be expected. Young children need to learn that their parents will return at the end of the day. They learn this from repeated experience over time. For some children, this happens quickly; for others, it takes a little longer.

As for the parents, some take longer than others to leave the nursery after dropping off their child, and this is to be expected. Some parents drop and run, and this is to be expected. Some parents leave and then try to return to sneak an extra peek at their child, just to make sure that they are still ok, and this is to be expected.

Early years educators understand, because we do it year in and year out. It may seem a little heartless when we usher adults out of the nursery on a morning, but the sooner we get on with the day, the sooner the children settle down and have fun. A moment of courage from a parent will usually result in a significant reduction in emotion and drama for a child. This is not trivialising the moment of separation, however the quicker it happens, the better it is for everyone involved.

Three key points to note which can make this considerably easier:

1. Prepare your child for the day ahead – talk to them about going to nursery and let them know that you will look forward to seeing them at the end of the day and that you can’t wait to hear their stories (don’t say that you’ll miss them as this makes it harder for a child to be happy knowing that their parents are unhappy whilst they are away)2. Let them use their legs and walk in to the nursery carrying their own bag – how amazingly responsible and grown up! Young children develop super-human grip strength when they are carried by their parents, which can be distressing for everyone at the moment of separation. Also, the adult who ends up prising the child off their parents becomes the bad guy, which is not a good look for anyone in early years 3. Adults should be brave like a lion and swift like a graceful bird – drop off, kisses and goodbyes should be done quickly with an enormous smile and lots of warmth. If you are having an emotional wobble, how do you expect your child to behave. You made a decision based on trust, so what are you hanging around for? Go and enjoy your day.

Hiba Academy Shanghai

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