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12 Oct 2018

Davy Guo

Psychologist, Community Relations Manager Ph.D Candidate in Counseling Psychology University of Manchester, United Kingdom Psychologist at ELG

As parents, we all have high expectations for our children. We want them to grow up to be not only happy and healthy but also, in their own ways, successful. Research in education and psychology has now shown that nature, including gene, brain and physical structure, is only part of what contributes to a child's future success. The other part is nurture, which includes the child's environment and, importantly, how he or she is raised.The first 5 to 6 years of life are often seen as laying the foundation for a child's lifelong development. During these years, children's physical and mental capacities, essential to their learning, develop rapidly. This period is also important for fostering interests and passions. However, for children this age, the importance of play for the development of both language and social skills is often overlooked.Parents, particularly those with school-age children, often struggle to find parenting approaches that effectively meet their child's developmental needs. In this article, we share some information on appropriate expectations for children between three and six years old, as well as some effective approaches to fostering their cognitive and socio-emotional development.

Expectations

When we talk about cognition, we are usually talking about conscious intellectual activity, or IQ. Yet despite what you may have read in many ‘pop psychology’ tests, cognition includes various fundamental mental abilities such as processing speed, working memory, perceptual reasoning, and verbal comprehension. It influences a child’s ability to receive, process, retrieve, and deliver information. Children develop different cognitive abilities at different ages. In our work, on one hand, we often see parents become anxious when their child's development does not progress as they expect. On the other hand, some parents fail to seek needed support when their child shows significant delays. For parents to best fulfill their children's needs, they need to understand which age-appropriate expectations, or milestones, their child will encounter as they grow older. In the table below, some of these cognitive milestones are presented.

Age	Cognitive Milestones
3 Years	• Listens attentively to age-appropriate stories. • Makes relevant comments during stories, especially those that relate to home and family events. • Enjoys stories with riddles, guessing, and "suspense." • Answers questions such as "What are you doing?", "What is this?", and "Where?", and questions dealing with familiar objects and events.
4 Years	• Recognizes that certain words sound similar. • A few children begin to read simple books with many pictures and only a few words per page, such as alphabet books. • Understands the concepts of "tallest," "biggest," "same," and "more". For example, selects which picture has the "most houses" or the "biggest dogs." • Rote counts to 20 or more. • Understands the sequence of daily events: "When we get up in the morning, we get dressed, have breakfast, brush our teeth, and go to school." • When looking at pictures, recognizes and identifies missing puzzle parts of a person, car, or animal. • Counts 1 to 7 objects out loud, but not always in order. • Follows two to three step directions given individually or in a group.
5 Years	• Forms a rectangle from two triangular cuts. • Builds steps with a set of small blocks. • Understands concepts of same shape, same size. • Sorts a variety of objects so that all things in the group have a single common feature. For example, all are food items, boats, or animals. • Understands the concepts of smallest and shortest; places objects in order from shortest to tallest, smallest to largest. • Identifies objects with a specified serial position: first, second, last. • Rote counts to >20; many children count to 100. • Recognizes numerals from 1 to 10. • Relates clock time to daily schedule: "Time to turn on the TV when the little hand points to 5." • Some children can tell time on the hour. For example, three or five o'clock. • Recognizes and identifies coins; begins to count and save money. • Asks innumerable questions: Why? What? Where? When? How? Who?
6 Years	• Starts to develop symbolism. • Tends to be egocentric. • Starts to develop language and thought, yet is still concrete/rigid. • Learns through pretend play. • Tells time.

Want to track your child's development? Check out ELG recommended app, CDC Milestone Tracker (available in English) , for monitoring developmental milestones for children between 2 months and 5 years old.

Cognitive Development: Metacognitive Teaching

There are many ways to foster cognitive development. Often, parents can provide multiple opportunities for repetition to encourage neuroplasticity. The method introduced here is called Metacognitive teaching. Metacognition, to put it simply, means thinking about thinking. Metacognitive teaching is an approach that aims to teach children to think, self-regulate, self-analyze, and self-reflect. Aside from facilitating lasting academic learning, it can be used to effectively correct behaviors. It encourages autonomy, competence, and motivation, which are all core attributes for lifelong learning. It helps children to develop autonomous mindsets, such as "I am in charge of my own success.", "I am in charge of my own learning.", or "I am an independent learner." The main approach used in metacognitive teaching involves talking the child through the what and the why of each step of a task or situation. Instead of giving direct instructions, metacognitive teaching tries to build a system where the teacher or parent's role is passive, to guide the child. The table below shows examples of directive vs. metacognitive teaching.

Directive	Metacognitive
Be quiet.	Is now a good time to talk?
Apologize.	(Multi-step)  What should we say?
Get your pencil and eraser.	What do you need to write?
That’s not a nice thing to say.	How would that make someone feel?
Sit down.	Where should you be right now?

In metacognitive teaching, we also try to ask open questions using ‘what’, ‘how’, ‘when’, and ‘where’. Compared to closed statements using ‘is’ or ‘are’, these questions facilitate exploration, thinking, and discovery.

Socio-Emotional Development:Attachment-Informed Learning

Though it may seem to be a different issue, socio-emotional development can have an important impact on learning. In our work, we often find that children with emotional difficulties can appear unfocused or unmotivated, which can hinder their willingness and ability to engage in learning. Just like cognitive development, children typically reach certain milestones for socio-emotional development at different ages. In the table below, some socio-emotional milestones are presented.

Age	Socio-emotional Milestones
2-4	• Autonomy vs. Shame/Doubt. • Is it okay to be me?
4-5	• Initiative vs. Guilt. • Is it okay for me to do, move and act?
5-12	• Industry vs. Inferiority. • Can I make it in the world?

One way to foster positive socio-emotional development is to support secure attachment. Attachment refers to a child’s way of relating to the people and the world around them. It also influences how they perceive themselves and their abilities. Unsecure attachment can lead to various developmental, behavioral, cognitive, emotional, and social difficulties. For example, children with unsecure attachment are often misdiagnosed with ADHD. Children with unsecure attachment tend to feel unsafe and unregulated. In some cases, this is because they haven’t had another person who is attuned to their feelings and can help regulate them. In other cases, this is because they are used to living with few boundaries, leading them to feel unsafe. In contrast, children with secure attachment tend to trust other people. They tend to feel that the world around them is safe, and to be more likely to explore. At the same time, they are more willing to seek help when needed. Children with secure attachment also tend to have high self-esteem. As a result, they tend to be resilient against challenges and obstacles. Socially, they tend to be more competent than those with unsecure attachment. Academically, they tend to engage more easily with learning, making them more likely to fulfill their potential.

As parents, to foster secure attachment, we need to be attuned to our children. This can seem easy, yet providing shelter, food, and safety is not enough. Children also need us to be present, and this role cannot be replaced by an Ayi or even grandparents. As parents, we need to show interest, care, and curiosity towards our children. We need to resist judgement, to be available, and to be reliable. Resisting judgement does not mean having no rules. In fact, appropriate boundaries are essential for a child's emotional development. However, it does mean that we need to try to understand our children's perspectives, to avoid criticizing them, and to discuss situations with them. Further, being attuned to our child means being attuned to the whole child. This includes not only their physical needs and academic performance, but also their feelings, interests, and social life. We need to accept and appreciate their uniqueness and potential, and understand that they are doing the best they can. Finally, we need to allow and encourage their emotional expression. The more effective children are at expressing their feelings, the less likely it is that they will internalize issues or develop behavioral difficulties. The more available, attuned, welcoming and accepting you are of the whole child and where they are at this time, the safer a child feels. The safer they feel, the more likely they are to explore, to take risks and make mistakes, to practice, and to persevere, all of which lead to learning. Raising a child is not a simple task, especially when we have high hopes for their future. To help them succeed, we need to invest in them not only our resources, but our time and emotion.

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