After recently rereading the prose The Sight of Father’s Back, written by renowned poet and essayist Zhu Ziqing, I began to write this article. The author vividly depicted his father’s evident love for him with great appreciation, something which I personally did not feel for my father at a young age. I believe this is an extremely common feeling that we have on the subject of paternal love; most people do not realise how much their father loves them until they become adults themselves.
I still remember an old advertisement based on the theme of people saying, “I love you” to a loved one on the phone. In the advert, couples spoke these three words easily but fathers and their sons or daughters found it difficult to say this particular phrase, and instead only tears trickled down their cheeks. The reason why the advertisement impressed me was that it exposed a deep emotional element to the parent-child relationship that we often neglect or fail to explore. It reminded us that fathers also shed tears, they miss us when we are away and have always loved us even if we were not aware of it.
When I spoke to a father on one occasion, he told me that his child enjoys playing with Lego bricks even though he is not capable of building the more difficult kits. The father often came home late because of his work, only to find that his child had already fallen asleep. He would then work late into the night to figure out by himself how to build the hardest parts of the Lego kit and then shared the methods he had learned with his child the following morning. His child admired and felt proud of him afterwards. Upon hearing this I asked the father: “Did you tell your child that you worked on the Lego until late at night? Did he know that you were exhausted after work? Did you let him know that you stayed up to solve the difficult problems for him because you love him?”
From my perspective, this is a problem. It shows that many fathers are willing to celebrate success with their children but do not reveal to them how tough the process they undergo is. How can children feel your love if success is achieved as if by magic? Fathers should be able to work on actively expressing their love, and the advice below suggests some places to start.
1Smile more
Stern and unsmiling fathers often find it difficult to connect with their children, and vice versa. Fathers who often smile can positively affect their children by giving them an optimistic and confident attitude toward life. If you share with your children the interesting things you encounter or create happy memories together, you are sure to secure an increasingly tight bond with them. This is because sharing, caring and giving are all mutual behaviours that generate affection.
2Have more physical contact
You could develop a habit of kissing your child’s forehead or hand before they go to bed. Even though they are asleep when you get home, you can still do this. Perhaps you can tell them in the morning that how adorable their sleeping gestures are!
No matter what challenges they encounter, you should physically be there to support them. It will make all the difference if you are there to give them a warm hug when they fail or are treated unfairly. In all cases, you should remember to say, “Daddy loves you” when you make physical contact with your children.
3Spend more time accompanying your child
Many children are eager to explore and try new things, which gives you plenty of chances to guide them. This process will teach your children to become adaptable to the rapidly changing world. Quality time spent with fathers, such as watching a ball game, seeing a film etc, creates unforgettable memories. These experiences give children a sense of security and help them to become brave, resilient and confident.
4Love your partner
Children should be allowed to know that you love your partner. They quickly observe how parents treat each other and this has a strong influence on their psychological and emotional development. You, together with your children, can pick up a holiday gift for your partner and involve them in the whole process, from planning, to choosing and wrapping it.
Tim Winton, a famous Australian writer once said: “My father did not take me on adventures or to do exciting things. The things we did together were quite ordinary, which, however, became my lifetime memories. Even a little common thing as wandering around with him was so sweet, that’s why childhood is so memorable.”
According to Yuki, father’s love, as great as a mountain, should not be regarded as a burden. No matter how old we are, we all need love and should express it. Only when we grow up in such a loving environment do we understand how to love others.
